


That Guy

by bip_1060



Category: Nikita (TV 2010)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-20
Updated: 2012-02-20
Packaged: 2017-10-31 12:15:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/343959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bip_1060/pseuds/bip_1060
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Birkoff was a genius. Which is why he knew that when it comes to Alex, he doesn't have a shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Guy

**Author's Note:**

> This is so incredibly terrible I can't even believe it. Tell me what you think anyway.

Seymour Birkhoff was, in a word, a geek. He was a nerd who happened to be a meth head before Division picked him out of the system. Once he was clean his genius came back through – and damn, was he a genius. Most people couldn’t dream of understanding what he did with his computers. Plus, being a member of Division automatically means that he learned how to kill people. Awesome. Just because he wasn’t a field agent didn’t mean he couldn’t hold his own. Then he got sucked into Niki and Michael’s save the world complex and there he was genius for the other side. The nicer, less evil side.

And then there was Alex. Like all of them a girl with a past. But she wasn’t important of her own choice. Well not entirely. Alexandra Udinov. Presumed dead heir to Zetrov. Nikita’s protégée. Little buddy of Michael. Pain in Birkoff’s ass. Also, possibly the girl of Birkoff’s dreams. 

Smart, beautiful, deadly, chip on her shoulder, declaring war with Amanda and Ari. The girl sounds perfect. Capable and intelligent, brave, loyal. She was a host of admirable character traits. Sure, she was a little flawed too. Who wasn’t? Birkoff certainly wasn’t one to judge. 

Geeky, and somewhat lacking in common sense on occasion. Terrible eating habits. And zero experience with relationships. Of any kind. These were the first real friends he’d ever had. Everyone he used to get high with were, well, drug addicts and they’re not exactly the ‘I’ll always be there for you’ types. Mostly they were interested in themselves. 

So when faced with a person that he had no idea what to do with, he did what he does best: showed off his computer skills and got snarky. Well, is there another way to react?

She didn’t act like most people do though. She snarked back. Who does that? No one! Not even Niki and Michael snark back at him. But she does! And just when he’s starting to think that she maybe kinda likes him, Sean shows up. Perfect Sean. Right. Noble, all – American, Mom loving Sean. In what universe does a guy like this even exist. And there she was looking all doe-eyed and sappy at him. Like his self-sacrifice thing was the biggest turn on since Brad Pitt. 

Competition forfeited. No point competing when you’ve already lost. 

Sure Sean went away after Mom made it out of the massacre of Oversight alive, but still. Now that he’s seen her type up close and personal, Birkoff is painfully aware that he is not it. Not even in the vicinity of it.

Now Birkoff was cool. Computer skills, ninja skills and he could pull off a suit pretty damn well thank you very much. But… there was no way that he would ever be… that.  
So he went on with his life. Ate, drank, was merry-ish. Niki and Michael kept saving the day. Alex was wondering about her mom and her path in life now. She started going along with Amanda’s big plan for Semak and Zetrov. 

Then the whacky press conference, and that bitch Carla almost getting her killed. Niki is damn lucky she was in the room because otherwise, that bitch would have been down for the count. You don’t do that to your friends! Even Birkoff knows that.

Then Alex went and declared war on Amanda and Ari. Yeah, way to put yourself in even more danger than you were before. 

Way to make me worry. 

“Hey.”

And there she is.

“What are you doing here?”

“Wow, nice reception, nerd. Way to make a girl feel welcome.”

“Yeah, well, people on both Amanda and Ari’s shit list, plus Semak and all of Zetrov aren’t the kind of people I want in my house. I prefer it when it doesn’t have bullet holes in it.”

“Relax, I wasn’t followed. Where’s Nikita?”

“Walking with Carla.” 

“Oh, right. That woman that got her clean. And created Division. How’s she doing?”

“Fine. I suppose. I don’t talk to her.”

“Well, you don’t like new people.”

“I’m not terribly fond of the old people either.”

“Whatever, you love us.”

“Hmph.”

Don’t respond to that Birkoff. Just let it go.

“So what’s this woman like? Would I like her?”

“She wants to oust Amanda and run Division herself.”

Well that shut her up. Really fast too. Wait, is this chick breathing?

“Alex?”

“Why is she still here?”

“Um, because Niki likes her? Because she has valuable intel? Because I didn’t shoot her when I had the chance?”

“Wait, you almost shot her?”

“No big thing. She had my tablet. It’s mine. Ergo, I almost shot her.”

“I’m gonna go find Nikita. Maybe she can fill in those gaps for me. Thanks, Birkoff.”

Great. That’s just great. You just had to bring it up. She’s gonna find out and then she’s gonna want to know why, because she’s Niki’s disciple and thus more curious than a cat and you’re screwed. Totally screwed. You can’t tell her the truth, but these people are professional liars and they can tell when you lie. And then she’ll just pick and pick and pick and then you’ll snap and tell her. And you’re screwed. 

Then Michael and – “Okay there buddy?”

“Fine. Just told Alex where to find Niki. Sorta mentioned that I almost shot Carla.”

“Ah. Right. Nikita filled me in on that. Guns aren’t your usual MO.”

“Extenuating circumstances.”

“Like how you’re in love with Alex and would kill anyone who even might endanger her.”

Silence. Then, “Yes.”

“I won’t tell. You probably should though. I’m making a sandwich. Want anything?”

“No.”

Fuck but Birkoff hated living in a house full of spies. They all knew too much.

Dinner sucks too. Since Alex is here they’ve decided to be domestic and have one big family dinner. Great. Forced to sit across from the woman he almost shot and the woman he’s in love with. Super awkward.

There’s chicken. Pasta and some kind of roasted veggies that he hates before he tastes them. At least they let him keep his energy drinks. 

“You should have more healthy intake, Birkoff,” Nikita said as she exchanged his drink for mineral water. Being micro managed was very irritating. 

“Niki, even the psychos at Division, with all their health regimens, let me have my energy drinks.”

“Is it really that bad now?”

Just what he wanted. To talk about Division with its overly idealist creator. If Birkoff’s head randomly explodes don’t be surprised. 

“Yes.”

“Well, how did they pick you?”

“What?”

“I know the selection of Nikita was about me, and I know Alex manipulated the system to get in. So how were you picked?”

“Drugs. Jail. Division. Simple.”

“So you were an addict?”

“That’s what the drugs implies yes.” This chicken is dry.

“Okay, then why you. What raw material did they see?”

“I’m a genius. Off drugs, I think better.”

“A genius? That’s not a little arrogant?”

“I graduated MIT at 19. No, it’s not arrogant.”

“I see. And then the drugs?”

“During the drugs. After the drugs. I got addicted early ok. And now I’d really like to stop talking about this, because let me tell you, being brainwashed to kill people by Division are the good ole days for me.”

What’s with all the awkward silences today?

“Whatever, I have work to do.”

Busy work. Monitoring work. Average daily work. Things that aren’t pressing and could have waited til after dinner. If dinner hadn’t been a feast of weird and uncomfortable.

“Birkoff.”

Alex. Great. Just what he needed.

“Yeah.”

“I talked to Nikita. You were really going to shoot Carla to protect me?”

“Yes.”

“Hey, where are you going?”

“To shower, and wash off all the awkward I’ve had to sit through today.”

“Why were you willing to do that for me?”

“We’re on the same team.”

“Nikita said she’s never seen you like that.”

“So? Nikita wasn’t there every second of my life so what does she know?”

“She also said that you’re in love with me.”

Birkoff stopped right in front of the bathroom door.

“Point?”

“Are you?”

“Am I?”

“Are you in love with me?”

“No. Maybe. Yes.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah. Can I please shower now? I really need to leave this room before I freak out.”

He was being kissed. He leaned into it instantly. The woman he’s in love with is kissing him. Mouths open, tongues dueling kissing him. Wow. So much better than he thought.

“Mind if I join you for that shower?”

“Not at all.”

Maybe Birkoff can be that guy.


End file.
